Sticks and Stones

Today while I was browsing Instagram, I noticed the hashtag #vitiligo. We don't need to get into the details of how I found this hashtag, mostly because I'm not entirely sure, but, intrigued, I followed it and found myself scrolling through pictures of strangers for almost 20 minutes. There are over 50k posts with this hashtag, which was surprising to me. If you don't know what vitiligo is, it's an autoimmune disease that causes the loss of skin color in blotches. It's not life threatening and doesn't really cause any health problems in itself, but it is related to and often found along side other autoimmune diseases, such as thyroid disease and type one diabetes. Now, I'm no doctor, but I am familiar with these 3 diseases, namely because I have them all.

I've been thinking about write a blog post similar to this since November, which is National Diabetes Month. However, I'm kind of lazy and also to be honest, I get sick of seemingly complainy posts, especially those that start with the words "Why I Decided...". With hopes that this doesn't end up like one of those, I decided to finally follow through with my idea. I mean...what else could I be doing at 2 am on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning? (I'm still not sure what this limbo time is.)

Here's the thing. We live in a pretty shady world right now. People hide behind computer screens and openly hate on everything from religion to breast feeding in public to video gaming and to whether or not a dress is gold and white or blue and black. #throwback. Kids these days don't only have to worry about getting shoved in to a locker or getting a "kick me" sign taped to their backs, but they have to worry about hurtful comments on their social media accounts and mean text messages sent to them, sometimes by people they considered to be friends. I once saw a group of high schoolers say awful things to a girl who posted something as simple as she liked Justin Bieber as her status. Recently, I saw a facebook post by a young girl who lost her father last year that had to preface her post about him with a disclaimer saying that she wasn't attention seeking or wanting pity, because she had been told that's what she's doing when she brings him up. I have another friend who once told me that they make jokes about a visible and obvious health issue because if they don't laugh with their friends, they'll cry because of the things that people say to them.

I believe that everyone has the right to express themselves. This country was founded on the idea of freedom of speech.

But... when did it become acceptable to criticize others for being who they are? Why do we think it's ok to tear other people down about factors outside of their control? When we hurt others with our words, does that make us better? Does demeaning and belittling others make us more powerful?

When I was in 6th grade, my family moved from a small town in Colorado to a larger city in California. I made a few friends, and one of my new friends had a boyfriend named Ralph. As I've grown older, I've become more skilled at disguising the vitiligo that discolors my skin. However, at 12 years old, I was just entering my middle school years. I wasn't yet aware of this bizarre "judgment" complex that we as humans have. I still remember exactly where we were in the school when Ralph began to draw attention to the fact that my legs had large white patches on them and that, when in sandals, you notice that my feet are entirely white. My friends stood up for me, but it wasn't long before Ralph decided that a cow was an accurate comparison and that that was the name that he would use to refer to me.

Luckily, the world is not full of Ralph's. Fortunately, there are a whole lot of good people in this world. And something that I think is awesome, is even though there are a lot of negative aspects of social media and technology, there are a lot of great aspects as well. Today as I scrolled through other people's posts on Instagram, I was amazed and impressed at the confidence I saw. I've come a long way since being that insecure 6th grader who let someone else's opinion of me affect how I saw myself. But there's still a small part of me that grimaces when someone notices that my skin is "different." I've met a lot of awesome people who have been super understanding. I've met a few people who decided to respond similar to Ralph. But you know what? Their opinions don't matter that much to me any more. A wise friend helped me to realize that haters are going to hate. No matter how much we wish that it wouldn't happen, people are going to find something that they don't like about us. What we have to decide is if we are going to let that influence what we like about ourselves. Like Lace's tattoo says, "you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself." (Click here to watch a recap of the current season of the Bachelor.) (<-- how do i get paid for that shoutout?) 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Only sometimes they do hurt. Sometimes they hurt a lot. Life is not always easy. We have trials. We have hard things that we go through. And we have the choice of how we are going to react to them. Are we going to let them break us, or are we going to become victors over them? Are we going to use our words to tear others down, or to build them up? We make a lot of choices every day. We say millions of words. Are the words we're saying kind? Are the words we're saying words we wouldn't mind others overhearing? Are we hashtagging the crap out of the things that make us unique in life and embracing that we are all different and that is ok? Some people want it to happen, some people wish it would happen, others make it happen.





Footnote: That last sentence is by Michael Jordan. The rest was me. And Taylor Swift. And Lace from the Bachelor.